In the labyrinth of professional life, where women have long been told to choose between competence and likability, a revelatory conversation between Amy Gallo and Alison Fragale illuminates a different path — one that braids together the seemingly opposing forces of assertiveness and warmth into a powerful catalyst for success.
I was listening to this conversation on the Harvard Business Review Podcast in their Women at Work section. Being a woman myself in everyday life and being in a position of power in some arenas, I resonated with the challenges women face – when they discussed how women can show up both assertive and warm in power spaces such as board rooms as well as I daily interactions.
The discussion reveals that assertiveness and warmth can and should coexist in professional interactions. Alison explains that when someone displays assertiveness, others naturally become more accommodating, while warmth tends to be mimicked. This creates an ideal dynamic where being both assertive and warm leads to an audience that is both accommodating and friendly.
The conversation addresses several practical strategies for combining assertiveness and warmth. For example, in negotiations, showing care for others while being clear about one’s needs can be highly effective. Alison discusses the importance of how we present ourselves in daily interactions, from out-of-office messages to responding to “How are you?” She advises against defaulting to answers like “busy,” which can undermine perceived capability without adding warmth.
Our significant portion focuses on building and maintaining professional relationships. Alison recommends a daily connection habit – reaching out to one person each day, either to make a new connection or reconnect with someone from your network. She emphasises that these interactions don’t need to be open-ended but can be simple appreciative messages.
The interview also explores the value of pushing beyond comfort zones through exercises like “collecting nos” – making ten different requests to different people until you receive ten rejections. This exercise often reveals that people are more willing to say yes than we expect, and getting a “no” rarely impacts our status as much as we fear.
The discussion emphasises the importance of self-presentation, advising against self-deprecation and deflecting compliments, as these behaviours can diminish our perceived capability. Instead, Alison suggests finding ways to build warmth that doesn’t come at the expense of appearing competent.
A key insight from the interview is that authentic growth often requires trying new approaches that might initially feel uncomfortable. While Alison remains “agnostic” about specific tactics, she encourages observing and learning from others’ effective behaviours and being willing to experiment with new approaches to combining assertiveness and warmth.
The conversation concludes with a powerful guiding question for professional interactions: “What can I do to show up as both assertive and warm in this moment?” This simple but fundamental question can help women navigate professional situations more effectively, leading to greater success and influence in their careers.
Do you agree with Alison?
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